


everybody finds love (in the end)

by bunshima



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-04-19 12:03:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14236875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunshima/pseuds/bunshima
Summary: (major spoilers for fate/grand order)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> okay so this is another thing im working on but im v excited ill start posting bits already 
> 
> disclaimer: BIG BIG BIG SPOILERS ABSOLUTE WHAMMY, roman pov, not proofread cuz me lazy, ratings + tags r a subject to change, might get nsfw

It's ironic; a king was once loved for compassion he didn't possess. A thousand women at his feet, one more beautiful than the next, and yet, he could not love them. What a shame, was all he could offer, when yet another concubine fell to her knees, offering herself to him. He could never place it, but something felt off about it. A piece of him had gone missing along the way.

This burden of a disordered psyche, he had carried it with him, even into his second life as a heroic spirit. He had given up on a normal existence, lost hope that he would ever get to feel what others do, doomed to see even smallest affections as a waste of time– until he saw it.

The holy grail. A wish-granting artifact, both divine and yet so cursed– the perfect opportunity to fulfill his life-long wish. And all he had to do was crush six other spirits to achieve what he so desperately wished for: to become human. His shackles, tying him to a miserable, fruitless life as tool, had been removed.

Laying down his divine status as a spirit had finally gifted Solomon what he had been missing: the concepts of romance and affection, the wish to find love, a partner who cherishes him the same as he cherishes them.

Solomon was reborn as an ordinary person, capable of loving.


	2. Chapter 2

As a young man, Romani Archaman had wondered about it– his very own meaning of love, curious of all prospects it might have to offer. Imagining how it all would play out someday had been fun. Attempting to achieve love hasn't been. Dating is a farce. Getting to know people properly is hard. Somehow, his pessimism hadn't managed to get the best of him, but oh, he wishes it had. His constant sunshine-like demeanor had even gotten him remarks: he's shallow, two-faced, a coward, spineless– the list is long. He remembers everything. Each and every word left a mark.

Humans are cruel, he learns.

And yet, in spite of the past, love is a beautiful thing, Romani thinks. No two people define it the same way. Everybody discovers their own way of loving one way or another. And for him, it took thirty-four years as a human, countless failed dates, and one master candidate to find his own definition.

Gudako is her name. It wasn't surprising to him that they managed to form some kind of bond right away; everyone gets along with him, it's unsettling. If anything, the Chaldea incident only cemented their connection, as they now see one another as someone they can, if not have to, rely on.

They started to spend a lot of time together lately. Gudako doesn't mind his sterile office and the mixed interior– his office is his private room, workplace and examination room at the same time. His bed is hidden behind a pale divider, together with a pile of clothes on the floor. Occasionally empty soda cans will litter his workspace until Da Vinci gets him to clean up. Amidst this mess of an office sits a kotatsu, where they carry out smaller rituals they already established. They're friends still, so for now, he may only pine after her like the lovesick fool he is.

But Romani doesn't mind.

The two of them sit at the heated table, enjoying a small snack during a quiet day. Romani’s forearms settled on the table top, his chin resting on them as he watches Gudako scrape the last bits of cake off her plate. His gaze flicks over to his own plate. So far, he's had an entire bite of cake. His everlasting butterflies have made it very hard to eat as usual, so he decides to push his piece over.

“I'm not hungry.”, Romani tells her, “You can have it.” Gudako doesn't say anything. Instead, her eyes light up as if he had just given her the world. Right away, she digs into the cake by the forkful. She's so busy with ravaging her second helping that she doesn't notice Romani’s lovelorn gazes. When he looks at her like this, his stomach churns, but in the good way. Sometimes he spends nights pondering if this is all a dream, that he will soon wake up to a thousand women he cannot love. The thought alone makes goosebumps rise on his nape. There's no way in hell he'd go back to that.

Several additional moments are spent in his lovesick trance after he banished those memories into the back of his head. However, those moments of bliss shall end soon enough.

Gudako finishes her second slice with a satisfied huff and stretches in her seat. A quick gaze to the holographic clock on the wall. “Ahhh, it's late.”, Gudako states, “I should get going.” But instead of doing just that, her head turns to look at Romani beside her.

Out of reflex, his back jolts straight when he notices that she directed his attention to him, eyes wide as he tries to gather himself. She's reduced him to a puddle– by merely existing too close to him. Neither of them says anything. He's so nervous he even spaces out. A coarse sigh follows. C’mon, you got this, he tries to motivate himself (although he's certain that ‘he don't got this’). Romani makes the mistake of closing his eyes perhaps a little too long, resulting in possibly the best misunderstanding in his entire life as a human. The sensation of warmth fanning across the side of his face causes him to turn to it before even opening his eyes anew, leaving him oblivious to what's about to come.

Something soft pressed flush against his lips. He is robbed of all coherent thoughts in an instant. His heart flutters in his chest, just like the butterflies in his belly. The embrace is short, yet it feels like an eternity and more. Eyelids flutter open, revealing Gudako’s bashful demeanor to him. She's just as red as he is. Then, it hits him.

Gudako kissed him.

Perhaps it was a whim, perhaps she thought he was pursing his lips at her as he was trying to collect the shards of himself that she's left in her wake. For now, he may not care for the reason and simply for the fact that it happened.

“Eh?” Romani can't stop a surprised expression from escaping him. “Did you just–”

“W-wait, y-you weren't–”, Gudako stammers, “O-oh no.” Her face goes from dusted with red to full tomato. “I-I’m so sorry. I'll… I'll leave.” She doesn't wait for his response, crawls away from the kotatsu and jumps to her feet.

Romani reacts similarly, except that his brain has yet to figure out how walking works again. He's after her on his fours, grabbing her by the ankle before she can take another step toward the door. Now or never. The circumstances aren't ideal, but sometimes you have to make do. He's contemplated about the right moment to ask her out before, but being spontaneous sounds better right now.

“Wait!” His hand has her ankle in a tight grip, desperation clear in his touch alone. What an end to a peaceful encounter.

“Wh-what?”, Gudako replies, and it's clear that she's trying not to laugh at the fact that this grown, semi-functional man just jumped after her like that– truly, it's a sight to behold. They're both red-faced, he's on his knees before her, and to an outsider this would look… ambiguous at best.

And right at this moment, that you would want to leave behind as fast as possible, speech fails him completely. It's dead silent between them for an entire moment before Romani can only look up at her, putting on the best puppy eyes he can muster, and a single word breaks out of him,

“Date.”

“Senpai, Da Vinci wants to…” Mash stops in her tracks, frozen in the door frame as she takes in the image before her. Her expression can only be described as a mix of surprise, disgust, and utter devastation. Romani rarely has the doors of his office closed, in case he needs to make a run for an emergency. Surely, they just ruined her day with… whatever it looks like they're doing.

Both Romani and Gudako stare at her, wide-eyed and with their faces gaining an entirely new shade of red. He lets go of her leg and in an instant, she bolts past Mash at top speed, her footsteps echoing down the hall. She leaves Romani behind on his knees, and a visibly confused and thrown off Mash trying to figure out what the fuck she just witnessed. Her gaze is fixated on him. If looks could kill he would've been roasted to hell and back by now.

Mash graces him with a single word of her own– “Perv.”– before taking her leave too. She had the decency to close the door, which gives Romani the fine opportunity to lay on the floor face down undisturbed. Oh, great. This is just his luck. However, life isn’t quite done with him yet.

The door to his office opens again with a hiss, and Da Vinci peeks in around the corner. “Are you alright, Romani?” Shouldn’t she fetch Gudako and Mash who are likely going to wander through the entirety of Chaldea in search of her?

“No.” He hides his deep red visage in utter shame, doesn't even think about looking at her. “But thanks for asking.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall want some diabeetus? i gots some of that diabeetus for ya

This time he's lucky, it seems. Dating is hard, and even though his first step didn't end as graceful, it worked out. They talked a couple days later and although there was still some leftover embarrassment, Gudako wasn't mad about their last encounter. The idea of a date with him (him! him, of all people! he still can't believe it!) had been on her mind too. He still feels the need to scream to the high heavens and bless god and his angels for giving him this golden opportunity.

And what could be a better spot for a rendezvous than the botanic gardens? They're already known for their popularity among couples who wish to spend a few hours amidst what might be the last of Earth's flora– yet another of Chaldea's legacies. The facility doesn't only hold the last surviving humans. That being said, it goes without pointing out that being able to see the last living trees and flowers in full bloom has been romanticized; taking out your crush to see what's considered a miracle has gained a special meaning on its own– or something along the lines. Romani never really understood it. To be quite blunt, it seems so utterly tasteless to him.

Well, it's not like he's very good at keeping his head high when things seem to taking a turn for the worse. Humans will cling to any and all hopes they can grasp, he notes. Gudako is no different. What a joyous– and yet so grim– way to exist. Perhaps he should follow their example.

The warm breeze ruffles her hair. Rays of sunlight shine through the thick canopy of the old oak tree, highlighting the freckles upon her fair skin. Green grass and ginger clash as colors, but Romani can't keep himself from looking at her over the rim of his book. Gudako manages to distract him from the fact that the summer breeze is caused by the ventilation system and the soothing sunlight is artificial. At least the grass beneath their feet and the hard tree bark against his back are real.

There's a soft sigh from her side. She stretches her weary joints and yawns. This is one of the rare opportunities that she uses to rest up. The past few weeks have been eventful, to say to the least. Each singularity is a harsh trial on its own and they don't get easier with time. Sometimes Gudako is the one thing that keeps Romani from caving in. Just knowing that she is in need of his guidance and support is enough reason to keep pushing on. When she sits up, his face disappears behind his book yet again. He shouldn't be staring at her like that, lest she decides that he's creepy and not her type after all.

"Mh... 'm sorry for fallin' asleep like that.", she murmurs, running a hand through her hair. Ahhh, don't look, don't look, don't look.

"Oh no, I... I don't mind at all." Good time to get flustered. Hastily he closes his book with a bookmark between its pages and puts it aside, together with his reading glasses. "You seemed like you really needed it."

Albeit a bit sluggish, Gudako crawls close to him, stretching to reach for... the bag with their food. Yeah, perhaps it was him stupid of him to indulge in his small hopes that she'd hug him or even kiss him again. In a moment of her not paying attention– she's really into those sandwiches he made; he wouldn't believe Da Vinci when she had told him that Gudako loves any kind of food but now he's witnessing it first hand– he can't help but shake his head at himself. He's aware they're moving a bit faster than a relationship (if you can even call it that yet) under normal circumstances does, but said circumstances happen to be dire. Romani doesn't like thinking about it, but she could die any time.

This project was meant for multiple masters. The success rate of a single individual is low. His critical eye just loves to remind him of that. However, instead of discouraging him, all it does is drive him forward. He knows damn well that Gudako can handle herself, but a helping hand always poses as an advantage.

"Roman?"

"Ah, yeah?" He snaps from his bad headspace filled with all types of worst case scenarios. "Sorry, I was..." Romani realizes early that there's no white lie in the world that could convince her that he wasn't just delving into bad thoughts so he doesn't even try to talk his way out of this. Gudako does this herself. Occasionally he catches her staring at nothing when she's hanging out at his office, seeming as if she was about to break into a hundred ragged shards in the matter of minutes. "... just thinking and stuff, y'know."

He almost expects her to be drug down with him, but there's nothing of that. Gudako settles before him and takes his gloved hands into hers. He has already lied to her before, said that he was self conscious about his hands and that he'd like to keep the gloves on, to keep curious gazes from the ring on his left hand. Perhaps he'll tell her he used to be married, to earn himself some extra sympathy points. His past life had him be merciless and cold; he wishes to be coddled and loved until one could love no more, as selfish as it sounds. Romani's underhanded means, however, are perhaps a bit... questionable at best.

"Listen, I-" Cue a deep breath. "-got this." Her voice is strong but she smiles at him oh so sweetly that she could've melted his heart in an instant if their eye contact lasted any longer. Thank god she looks away for a moment, leaving him room to calm down. His heart is thumping within his chest, threatening to bust through his ribs. "We got this, 'cause I..." She trails off, and his heart leaps into his throat when she squeezes his hands just a tiny bit, as if looking for something to keep her anchored. "I don' think I woulda gotten this far without you."

This is a lot to take in. She leaves him no room to properly react to this. Gudako locks him in a kiss, has him backed against the oak tree, the silent witness of this heartfelt exchange. If there wasn't a solid object behind him, Romani would've shied away out of plain cowardice. The softness of her lips coupled with the occasional shy nip at his own causes him to melt beneath her every touch. It's unlike anything he's felt before. She's giving him hot flashes with every second their embrace lasts, but in the best possible way. Tender and chaste; opposites of what he was used to in his past life. Solomon only knew carnal and wild, whereas Romani has learned to appreciate the smaller, innocent touches. A welcomed change of pace.

It's not disappointing when they part. He feels fulfilled, his heart swelling with raw emotion. At once, words break out of him, the only words he can muster right now, "I-I... I don't know what to say." Speechless, yes, but also not quite.

"Then say nothin' at all, dummy." Her demeanor lights up in a bright smile and she gives him what just might be the most tender noogie one could ever give. Another kiss is pressed to his cheek, and Romani can feel himself light up like a Christmas tree, before they go back to spending the rest of their day off in comfortable silence, fingers intertwining and legs kicking in childish play.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo its been a while
> 
> disclaimer: not proofread, read this and perish at my hands

  
Romani stands frozen before Gudako’s room. He fidgets with the ring beneath his glove. A heavy feeling settles in the pit of his gut; if only there was any good reasons for his visit– but no, he's not here for fun. Mash had asked him to check on her, which surprised him, since she's in a rebellious phase. It should be clear that things are dire when she manages to speak to him personally and without the usual snark in her voice.

It's been months since their first date and Romani wishes deeply that everything would be still as easy and simple as it was back then. He was foolish to think that it'd stay like that. Of course, he was aware of the risks, but there was a small shimmer of hope that it'd be alright. That is no more. The future is grim. Romani knows that something is horribly wrong and he cannot do anything to stop it from happening, no matter how hard he tries to. He's at his limits. There's only so much his human body can do, and the degree of magecraft from his past definitely isn't included.

Enough courage builds in his chest once he had exhaled some anxiety in a shaky breath. With a press to the touch screen at the side of her door, it opens with a hiss, revealing a room enshrouded in darkness– except for the bathroom. The silence is deafening; Romani can feel it pressing down upon his chest, trying to force him into caving in. He's scared to look, scared of what he'll see when he peeks around the corner. Gudako is a strong personality with the necessary levelheadedness that the Grand Orders demand. Seeing even her break beneath the pressure of it all is terrifying.

One step. Two steps. He stops for a moment, hesitating. A third step, and he's at the door frame. Gudako is only a fraction of who she was a few hours ago, sitting on the closed toilet lid. Her left arm is entirely clad in bandages, keep a splint close to her forearm. The last singularity has left its marks on her: a broken arm, a few bruises, and a lost pinkie finger. Even with a last ditch effort he couldn't reattach her finger; a shame. While lethargic before, Romani's presence causes her to perk up and raise her head at him. It's clear; she hasn't slept well. And in spite of that, she almost bursts with life again. Because of him (oh, how it makes his heart flutter–).

"Hey.", is what little Gudako can offer right now, along with the smallest, yet one of the sweetest smiles he's ever seen her muster. Thank god, or whatever guardian angel is watching over her. As mentioned, she's incredibly strong.

A soft sigh leaves Romani, a fraction of tension bleeding off him, "You scared me, you know that?"

"I do kno' that.", Gudako replies, carefully stretching her worn joints in her spot. Her broken arm rests in her lap as she does so. "But a finger less ain't gonna kill me. I'm tough as nails, ya said it yourself." To accentuate that, she flexes her healthy arm in a boisterous manner while giving the softest growl– as long as one doesn't get on her bad side, she's about as intimidating as a newborn puppy.

Romani can't keep himself from snickering at her display. Words of the lovey-dovey cheesy type well up in his throat but he decides that they're best kept for another time. Her mood and general state may have been improved by his appearance but he knows well that it won't last. The sense of impending doom sits deep in his gut, and then, it's clear to him. Both are putting a good face on the matter as a facade. He wishes that realization had never hit him, because now he is acutely aware of the pain in Gudako's gaze, her self barely held together by his company. She seems so incredibly, utterly weary of the task that was given her. He doesn't want to imagine how she'd proceed to crumble and break yet again without him here.

His lips press into a tight line, his gaze flicking onto the ground for a moment, before he speaks again, "You should rest up."

The mere mention of resting seems to put a sour face into her mouth and a matching expression onto her features. "I've tried earlier. It... It didn't go well." He immediately feels bad.

For now, Romani doesn't answer and instead steps forward, carefully lifting Gudako at her sides with (almost terrifying) ease. It takes only a split second for her to accept this and cling to his front with arms and legs alike. She's incredibly tense in his grasp, holding onto him as if her life depends on it. Her head is buried in his shoulder while she tries to curl into him, seeking comfort and safety. The heavy feeling in his stomach only grows more intense when he can feel Gudako's fingers curl into his back. With a gentle sway in his step– not unlike one would do while holding a child in their arms– he paces back into her bedroom, carefully rubbing her back.

In the end, his intuition doesn't lie to him. Dampness spreads on fabric, wetting the skin of his shoulder. Again, it's dead quiet, with silence so heavy that it could make his ribcage cave along with his heart. She shakes terribly in his hold, jaw clenched tightly without a doubt to keep everything in. Even like this, where none demands her strength, Gudako cannot cry properly. And it weighs down heavy upon Romani. Their bond is strong, their trust mutual, so it must be something else. Perhaps the only one that keeps her from letting loose is herself. Perhaps her supposed strength is the one thing that keeps her anchored at times like this. Or perhaps–

"Roman, I'm scared."

Does she expect a reply? He can barely deal with his own anxiety, so how can he help her? His presence seemingly doesnt suffice any longer. A thousand questions come to mind at once. Despite living normally for almost four decades, Romani stands before a metaphorical brick wall. This is enough to make him slowly come apart at the seams. What can he do? What will keep them afloat? He's out of ideas already. Romani's chest tightens and he has to refrain from clinging to Gudako as she does with him, wailing into her in fear of what might come– and he isn't even the one directly executing the Grand Orders.

"Say something." Her broken plead strikes him at the heart.

Painfully hot tears well up quite fast in his eyes as he fully realizes something after repressing it for the last few hours: he almost lost her. That puts the small losses– the finger, her arm and everything else– into perspective. Sometimes it's the small sacrifices that hurt the most. But at the same time he's glad, so glad that she lived anew. No one said that it would get any easier, but that foolish glimmer of hope had remained, though in vain.

"Please." Another strike delivered to his battered heart, his face twisting in pure anguish.

Both remain still for a moment that feels like an eternity. The subtle chattering of Gudako's teeth disturbs the deadly quiet. Their frames shake erratically, making it difficult for him to stay on his feet. Romani feels a lot at once; he can no longer tell his emotions apart from one another. Everything is an utter and complete mess, and the feeling in the pit of his stomach tears a gaping hole into his midriff. There's no way adequate to describe the sensation; it's otherworldly and terrifying to no end. He knows, she wants words of comfort, that everything will turn out alright, but he cannot bring himself to lie to her in such a cruel manner. There's one thing left that he can offer– heartfelt solidarity.

"Me too.", Romani sobs, his voice breaking, "I'm scared, too."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!! (kudos + comments appreciated)


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